You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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