Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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