I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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