y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
