My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
