I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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