i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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