I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My bed smells like the plague
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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