you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
