marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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