No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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