i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
wow bdsm is so cute
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
