my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
