im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've blown a few things in my day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
