Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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