My boss' voice literally gives me gas
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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