I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
