i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
