fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
