why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
