If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize