1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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