I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
