haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
