i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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