Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
