U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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