Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
