Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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