So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize