I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
