This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
