you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
