Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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