I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
