uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
