Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
