My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
