he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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