I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
