Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
