What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
