oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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