who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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