whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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