My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
