I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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