This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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