I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
