at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
