A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
