dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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