He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
