Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
