I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
