I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
