I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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