dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
