i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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