Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
