dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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