My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
