and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
