If that was your dad, he is hot
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
