walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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