How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
