Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
